i missed my maths and social studies paper. and i hav decided not to retake it. i didnt study for any of those 2. i am still taking all the meds. doing ok. but constantly tired. heard from others that this med will just make ppl more aware of their surrounding including themselves. thus u will be more aware that u are tired making it seems like u are easily tired. thats wat i heard from others but who knows. currently no longer have problem counting things. reading things still got abit of a problem though. esp in a noisy environment. i will have to read the same line for atleast 3 times for me to even understand.
hope for the better.
=D
Friday, May 15, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Have been feeling good this few days.
i had stopped taking my anti-depressant because after i stop taking it, i realised that my mood is once again back on track. i am now able to feel things, enjoy things, ect but ritalin has totally removed my appetite. just had gastric pain last night due to the lack of food intake.
now i just wonder what would become of me. i really hope that i could study, get into poly and lead a normal life. i would not ask for more. i have learned to be contented. i have learned to stop asking for more and be happy with what i have.
life is short. i cannot go on searching, asking, seeking to be more perfect, for better stuff and for a more luxurious life style or i would end up exhausting myself and dying before i can even enjoy any fruit of labour.
i believe there is more to life then just all this surface, superficial and physical needs(or rather wants). There is something more skin-deep, something warmer to life.
i have yet to find out what it is.
no rush.
slowly =)
now i just wonder what would become of me. i really hope that i could study, get into poly and lead a normal life. i would not ask for more. i have learned to be contented. i have learned to stop asking for more and be happy with what i have.
life is short. i cannot go on searching, asking, seeking to be more perfect, for better stuff and for a more luxurious life style or i would end up exhausting myself and dying before i can even enjoy any fruit of labour.
i believe there is more to life then just all this surface, superficial and physical needs(or rather wants). There is something more skin-deep, something warmer to life.
i have yet to find out what it is.
no rush.
slowly =)
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Hey
feeling really happy yesterday and today.
yesterday managed to drag myself to the gym just to realise, i lose muscle mass and alot of strength.
have yet to gain back my 5kg.
really need to eat more and carry on my weight training.
i really hope everythings gonna be alright.
yesterday managed to drag myself to the gym just to realise, i lose muscle mass and alot of strength.
have yet to gain back my 5kg.
really need to eat more and carry on my weight training.
i really hope everythings gonna be alright.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Dreadful life
haiz. saw my psychiatry once more. costed me $324 this time round.
when i saw the bill, i almost wanted to jump down from the office.
just within this month, i had spent $772 just my medical bills.
I free so bad wasting so much of my parents money.
anyways,
after taking medicine, i no longer feel anything. ANYTHING AT ALL. all i do is stare at the wall,
and only talk to people when being talked to. my brain feels so~ dead.
that was the only time in my life when i dun fear neither death nor hell. i can picture myself stuffing down all the medicine the psychiatry prescribed to me and see myself foaming at my mouth lying on my bed with the door locked.
haha, that just some imagination.
well, i can only hope life gets better.
today, i am in a rather happy mood.
lets hope tomorrow gets better.
=D
when i saw the bill, i almost wanted to jump down from the office.
just within this month, i had spent $772 just my medical bills.
I free so bad wasting so much of my parents money.
anyways,
after taking medicine, i no longer feel anything. ANYTHING AT ALL. all i do is stare at the wall,
and only talk to people when being talked to. my brain feels so~ dead.
that was the only time in my life when i dun fear neither death nor hell. i can picture myself stuffing down all the medicine the psychiatry prescribed to me and see myself foaming at my mouth lying on my bed with the door locked.
haha, that just some imagination.
well, i can only hope life gets better.
today, i am in a rather happy mood.
lets hope tomorrow gets better.
=D
Monday, May 4, 2009
jst reached sg
i was fed with the wrong info... i am supposed to go Fraser's Hill.. Not cameron...
anyways, i vomited due to motion sickness on my way down...
will post more... need to get some rest and get ready fo schl tomorrow.
will post pic when i get the pics from my uncle.
nitez all
anyways, i vomited due to motion sickness on my way down...
will post more... need to get some rest and get ready fo schl tomorrow.
will post pic when i get the pics from my uncle.
nitez all
Friday, May 1, 2009
Still no zeal and life
haha... another lifeless day. dun know wat to do.
but anyways, i would be going to cameron highland for 3 days.
hope it would do me good.
i am once again taking my pills, why? coz i decide to trust the doctor BUT i am taking only half the quantity.
alright damn late le.. me going to slp
will post pic and updates when i come back.
Nitez all.
but anyways, i would be going to cameron highland for 3 days.
hope it would do me good.
i am once again taking my pills, why? coz i decide to trust the doctor BUT i am taking only half the quantity.
alright damn late le.. me going to slp
will post pic and updates when i come back.
Nitez all.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Haiz
again i dont feel right.
morning was hyper-active. just feel like running around, jumping up and down.
at late noon, i was totally lifeless. i feel that even if a car were to bang me, i wun have the will to tell myself to live on. today only ate 1 chicken pie and 1 bar of chocolate.
From tomorrow onwards, i will offically stop taking my pills. the effects are far too drastic.
i lost 5kg due to the lost of appetite.
i can feel that a tiny part of me is weeping. so tiny that i can only feel it sometimes. i do not feel sad about it but there is another part of me that just wants to give up everything and have as much fun as i can which is the stronger feeling that is affecting me.
i do not know what has become of me.
i gave up on the pills, on myself and on god.
i feel so helpless, so lifeless and so dead.
i am not trying to emo or self pity, i had already tried my best.
morning was hyper-active. just feel like running around, jumping up and down.
at late noon, i was totally lifeless. i feel that even if a car were to bang me, i wun have the will to tell myself to live on. today only ate 1 chicken pie and 1 bar of chocolate.
From tomorrow onwards, i will offically stop taking my pills. the effects are far too drastic.
i lost 5kg due to the lost of appetite.
i can feel that a tiny part of me is weeping. so tiny that i can only feel it sometimes. i do not feel sad about it but there is another part of me that just wants to give up everything and have as much fun as i can which is the stronger feeling that is affecting me.
i do not know what has become of me.
i gave up on the pills, on myself and on god.
i feel so helpless, so lifeless and so dead.
i am not trying to emo or self pity, i had already tried my best.
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